Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Closing out 2015

The last two months have been a blur of school, dance, lesson planning and prep, grading, climbing board meetings, climbing, weekends in the cities, and new things happening; hence, the long absence from writing on here.  I have a day at home right now where I'm cleaning, organizing, purging, and reflecting before I head to the cities to celebrate the new year with friends and a new guy, but right now it's quiet in the house and I have a cup of coffee in front of me to fuel the changes.

2015 was a really rough year for me.  I started out excited for possibilities and prospects, then got thrown for a major loop just before my 30th birthday in the summer with a very nasty and horrible breakup with my long-term boyfriend.  After years of being in a great, stable relationship that I thought was going somewhere, I was hurt, betrayed, and suddenly on my own with my long-term plans dashed.

I had to take a few trips, learn how to be completely happy with myself and my choices, and I became stronger in my own ideas, thoughts and convictions.

I learned the value of unwavering friendship as people reached out to me, climbed with me, traveled with me, and supported me in so many ways.

I embraced the idea of time with my family, who are ridiculous and awesome all at the same time.
And I realized that while grieving for what could have been is important, it feels so good to say, "All right, it's time to move on to the next adventure." :)

I look at my ambitious goal list that I made about a year ago, and realize that I didn't quite get everything done that I wanted to.  In fact, I only achieved a handful of things on there.  But I learned and experienced and enjoyed so much more than what was on my to-do list that I consider this year to be one full of incredible growth personally, professionally, spiritually, physically, (grammatically?), that I'm not too worried about not putting a check mark next to the things on that list.
While I do believe that thinking one can change just because it's the new year is a little silly, I truly want to embrace that idea this year.  I know that I've changed.  I have scars that are still healing, I'm a little older (turned the big 30!), and the future is still open and scary.

But I also found out that even when things go terrible, I learned that I can still be incredibly positive.  Even when people do horrible things to me, I can still be excited and kind and happy and supportive to those around me that love me.  I have an incredible network of family and friends that will support me when I'm having trouble smiling.
And I'm almost relieved to be back to my excited and happy self at the end of a really rough year.  It took awhile to get that back.  My main goal this year is to keep that happy, even when things are tough. :)
Oh, and to KNIT AND CLIMB ALL OF THE THINGS.  But that's for another post... ;)